Grieving the Life We Chose to Leave Behind

Twenty years ago, I packed my bags and moved to Canada from Brazil. At the time, I had what I thought was the perfect life—just not in a perfect economy. I was 33 when I met my late husband, who was 43. Two years later, we boarded a one-way flight to Calgary, a city we had never visited but chose to call home.

Our decision to leave Brazil and become immigrants was rooted in a shared dream: building a better life for the child we didn’t yet have. Canada felt like a natural choice—my sister was married to a Canadian, and being in the same country mattered to me. Ironically, we ended up on opposite sides of it: she in Montreal, and us in Alberta, because we didn’t speak French and couldn’t settle in Quebec.

I still remember that first cab ride from the Calgary airport to the bed and breakfast we had booked for our first ten days. My eyes scanned the unfamiliar streets, searching for anything that reminded me of home—but nothing did. As we followed the Bow River through the city, a mix of excitement and sadness washed over me. It was late May, but the chilly spring air gave me a cold I’d never felt before.

Beneath all the anticipation, a quiet sadness lingered. It took me years to recognize it for what it was: grief. I was grieving my country. And that grief was confusing. After all, I chose to leave. No one forced me to go. I picked the country, the city, the region. So why was I grieving?

After years of living with—and studying—grief, I now understand that multiple truths can exist at once. It’s entirely possible to feel joy and gratitude for a profound life change, while also mourning everything that had to be left behind: your culture, your community, your sense of belonging.

If you’re going through a life transition—moving, changing careers, ending a relationship—and feel a quiet, unnamed sadness tagging along with your excitement, you’re not alone.

Making space for all your feelings is the first step toward healing. What grief might you be carrying that hasn’t yet been named?

Let’s talk about it. Book a free discovery call and let’s shine some light on what’s been waiting to be seen.