The Hardest Decision I Never Had to Make

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

Over 13 years ago, I went through one of the hardest moments of my life. My late husband had stage 4 pancreatic cancer for over two years, after a diagnosis and a life expectancy of 6 months to a year. He was still there with us, and during palliative treatment the cancer shrank a bit. It was a palliative treatment, we knew that. We also knew what palliative meant.

By around August or September 2012, the cancer had spread to four of his organs, after being quietly in only two of them for the last two years. One of them was his kidneys and he spent a horrible night at the Canmore Hospital, in pain. He said it was one of the worst nights of his life, being transferred to the Tom Baker hospital the next day, in Calgary.

At this point, he had had enough and decided that was it. He was going to let the cancer take its course. His oncologist tried to change his mind but he was determined. He signed a DNR and we prepared the home for his last few months. That was not my decision—it was his. This was very clear and having to accept his decision was the hardest decision I ever made.